Well, I am usually a fairly honest person, and don’t have too many qualms about revealing shortcomings because I know that no one this side of heaven is perfect. However, what I am about to share is not my finest moment, and certainly not something I would usually want to share with my world. That said, I feel like it has been a day for important lessons, and well, I have been ultimately humbled in the most glorious of ways.

Not that I do it consciously, and maybe this will surprise some of you to know, but sometimes I have to actually distract myself as to stop judging people in my mind. Ok, let me elaborate here, people I know, I don’t judge, but (and this pains me to say it out loud) often when walking down the street, or from the train station, I either compliment or judge those I walk past. For instance, “Oh lady, that is a lovely dress, it really suits you...” – “Oh dear, darling, who let you out of the house in those jeans” – or “seriously, have you not heard of deodorant?” and then the worse kind “Oh, I am so sorry, but I am so glad I don’t have to deal with that...(insert some skin condition, bad hair, big nose etc here)”.... ugh, writing it down makes me feel so much worse, please don’t get me wrong, I do this maybe once or twice in my mind, then I reprimand myself and aim to have only lovely and pleasant thoughts, telling myself “who the hell do you think you are, - Jesus died for them too to know, he created them!”. Unfortunately, it’s a lesson I relearn everyday...And today, well I think I learnt the hardest way possible, because not only was I overwhelmingly humbled, but I now I this heavy weight on my chest, hence I am here. 

SO, here goes... I was walking to the train station after school, and coming towards me was this lady, I guess maybe late 20’s, possibly early 30’s, immediately I thought to myself...oh you would look so much better if you weren’t wearing a “mens” t-shirt, and if you perhaps cut and washed your hair...the instant I thought this I was almost knocked off my feet by this huge pang and blow of guilt...I looked down and saw her arms... Oh my goodness, never in my life I have seen anything so devastatingly self destructive and broken. In that moment, in that instant my heart broke for this woman, so much so that instinctively my hand went over my heart as if it might fall out and shatter if I didn’t. Her arms were covered in more scars than I would have been able to count, some old, some raw and fresh, all up and down her arms from her hands running towards her heart. I looked from her arms to her eyes and saw this soul pouring out her pain and anguish, and it took my breath away.  I felt sick for my own judgment of this woman, and then for the all that she has had to endure and suffer that has caused her soul and heart to cry out through the release and flowing of her own blood. I don’t think I could even comprehend that much sorrow and pain...

Why do we do this to each other, why do we judge and hate, and compare! Humanity is broken and in desperate need of a Saviour, I like to think that generally I am not so bad at the loving people part, today I was shown just how far I have to go... I have no idea what is beyond the facades people are walking around with, I don’t know the pain, the hurt, the sorrow and suffering they have had to endure, however I do know this, that the God who holds the stars in the sky, loves them enough to die for them and it would be good for me to take a leaf out a small child’s book, or perhaps mother Theresa and instead of looking at what I can see, I should aim to focus on, search out and know all that I cannot see. This is something I want and must change in myself, because I don’t ever want relive this lesson today, and I also don’t want to continue pretending that I am all “oh don’t judge people” when I do it daily in my mind! So, here’s to my next challenge, of looking upon the faces of the people that pass me by, and choosing to see their souls and not what I deem their “superficial flaws”. And to this woman, I am so terribly sorry for judging you, and I pray that healing comes to your heart, and joy to your soul.