Friday, June 22, 2012

Well, I am usually a fairly honest person, and don’t have too many qualms about revealing shortcomings because I know that no one this side of heaven is perfect. However, what I am about to share is not my finest moment, and certainly not something I would usually want to share with my world. That said, I feel like it has been a day for important lessons, and well, I have been ultimately humbled in the most glorious of ways.

Not that I do it consciously, and maybe this will surprise some of you to know, but sometimes I have to actually distract myself as to stop judging people in my mind. Ok, let me elaborate here, people I know, I don’t judge, but (and this pains me to say it out loud) often when walking down the street, or from the train station, I either compliment or judge those I walk past. For instance, “Oh lady, that is a lovely dress, it really suits you...” – “Oh dear, darling, who let you out of the house in those jeans” – or “seriously, have you not heard of deodorant?” and then the worse kind “Oh, I am so sorry, but I am so glad I don’t have to deal with that...(insert some skin condition, bad hair, big nose etc here)”.... ugh, writing it down makes me feel so much worse, please don’t get me wrong, I do this maybe once or twice in my mind, then I reprimand myself and aim to have only lovely and pleasant thoughts, telling myself “who the hell do you think you are, - Jesus died for them too to know, he created them!”. Unfortunately, it’s a lesson I relearn everyday...And today, well I think I learnt the hardest way possible, because not only was I overwhelmingly humbled, but I now I this heavy weight on my chest, hence I am here. 

SO, here goes... I was walking to the train station after school, and coming towards me was this lady, I guess maybe late 20’s, possibly early 30’s, immediately I thought to myself...oh you would look so much better if you weren’t wearing a “mens” t-shirt, and if you perhaps cut and washed your hair...the instant I thought this I was almost knocked off my feet by this huge pang and blow of guilt...I looked down and saw her arms... Oh my goodness, never in my life I have seen anything so devastatingly self destructive and broken. In that moment, in that instant my heart broke for this woman, so much so that instinctively my hand went over my heart as if it might fall out and shatter if I didn’t. Her arms were covered in more scars than I would have been able to count, some old, some raw and fresh, all up and down her arms from her hands running towards her heart. I looked from her arms to her eyes and saw this soul pouring out her pain and anguish, and it took my breath away.  I felt sick for my own judgment of this woman, and then for the all that she has had to endure and suffer that has caused her soul and heart to cry out through the release and flowing of her own blood. I don’t think I could even comprehend that much sorrow and pain...

Why do we do this to each other, why do we judge and hate, and compare! Humanity is broken and in desperate need of a Saviour, I like to think that generally I am not so bad at the loving people part, today I was shown just how far I have to go... I have no idea what is beyond the facades people are walking around with, I don’t know the pain, the hurt, the sorrow and suffering they have had to endure, however I do know this, that the God who holds the stars in the sky, loves them enough to die for them and it would be good for me to take a leaf out a small child’s book, or perhaps mother Theresa and instead of looking at what I can see, I should aim to focus on, search out and know all that I cannot see. This is something I want and must change in myself, because I don’t ever want relive this lesson today, and I also don’t want to continue pretending that I am all “oh don’t judge people” when I do it daily in my mind! So, here’s to my next challenge, of looking upon the faces of the people that pass me by, and choosing to see their souls and not what I deem their “superficial flaws”. And to this woman, I am so terribly sorry for judging you, and I pray that healing comes to your heart, and joy to your soul.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Junior is sick today, with a fever of 39.5...So I am at home caring for him; it’s a strange thing, to be needed by someone so precious and helpless. This little life is in my hands and I can’t help but check on him every 20 minutes or so. I am in awe of this little person, I mean I look upon him in wonder, he is a living, loving, breathing miracle that when I look at it scientifically, it absolutely leaves me awestruck! I think sometimes we forget to look long enough upon the faces of the people in our lives and actually see the mind blowing miracle they are!

I remember when I was in year 11 studying biology and we were talking about a baby being conceived, I think it’s called a zygote?...Anyway, not that I didn’t already know “how” it happens, I think I knew when I was like five. My mum has always been a “no bull” kind of person. However, I guess I had never really given the science behind conception that much thought; I was blown away by this idea, this truth. I remember Miss Menzies describing in acute detail the way in which the cells form and split and make organs and bones and skin...(ok in a far more eloquent and scientific way than I can express) and then she was talking about how when the baby is conceived it doesn’t have eyelids. They come later; it’s like some little creature comes along and cuts open the skin protecting the eyes...think about it for just a moment. No human commands these things, they just happen, every day 353,015 babies are born each day, 14,709 each hour and 245 each minute...while of course  humans naturally play a huge role in this, at the same time, it’s out of our control. God commands the stars to shine, the earth to spin, the leaves to change colour and our hearts to beat and He causes the cells to make a brain and little tiny hands and feet. The more I learn about babies, the world around me, myself, the more I am convinced that there is an intelligent designer who created it all. It makes more sense to me that God exists and is, than it does to believe that this was all accidental and a coincident. 

I guess it’s like the wind, or light, we know it exists, we see it, or in the case of light, we see because of it, but it’s not a tangible thing that we can hold and touch and prove. If we were to try and prove light to a blind person, how would be go about it? We couldn’t, we could only describe what we see and feel, and for me, this is the same with God. I cannot prove His existence any more than I can prove light, but I feel Him, I see because of Him and I am who I am because of His love. But I also know that sometimes I get so caught up in the monotony of routine that I forget to be amazed, I forget the miracles that are happening around me every minute of every day. So, this is my challenge, I guess more for myself but feel free to join me, every day, write down a miracle you witnessed, when you start looking, and your eyes are open you begin to see more than you ever imagined.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

So, thought it was about time I actually updated all you lovely people on Germany being that most of my blog entries thus far have been about my current emotional state or some philosophical thoughts etc. So, here goes...

Classic Lori moments in the last 3 months...
Breaking the toilet seat, the car door mirror, and a cup
Dying a towel blue
Sending letters home with Australian stamps
Walking over a the subway vent in Madrid and having a not so graceful Marilyn Monroe moment
Opening my bag and dropping a tampon at the feet of a very handsome man waiting for the train
Demonstrating to the man in the pharmacy that I needed tampons because I didn’t know what they were called in German, to which he replied, “Oh Tampons?” (Apparently it is a universal word)
Fell off a stationary bike
Throwing  up while running because I thought it was a good idea to run on a full stomach...didn’t realise there was a very good looking man walking his dog who saw the whole thing...
Thought I would be smart and say I feel hot in German...translation word by word “Ich bin heiss”...turns out I actually suggestion I, myself am a very a hot woman and would like to have some... hanky panky... Oh dear, I have since however learned that I need only say “Mir ist heiss”

Highlights from the last 3 months (in no particular order)
Skiing in the Austrian Alps
Spain...all of it (except perhaps a few of the overly friendly men)
My first dream in German
Letters from home
Seeing the seasons change so drastically
Waking up to snow at Easter
Reading....up to book number 13 now
Picnics, bubbles, sing-a-longs and snuggles with Robert
Learning and speaking German and helping tourists in German
Receiving videos and messages almost daily from some pretty special people
Seeing where the new Three Musketeers movie was filmed
Learning new and exciting things about God and about my own heart and mind
Being left breathless by the beauty here
Hearing the words “I love you” from a very specially little pint sized person

Lowlights from the last 3 months
Missing coffee from Zac’s - they just can’t get it right here
Missing (more than I could have anticipated) my family and friends.

Germany is an amazing country, and it’s people, well they are amazing too! Time as flown by so quickly, and then at the same time, it feels like I have been here so much longer than three months! At the moment my days are pretty routine, wake up to a handsome little face saying “lets have breakfast”, get ready, showered, shoes on, then off again because Junior needs to go to the toilet, shoes back on again, walk to kindergarten along the creek, answer a million “WHY?” questions, explain once again why we cannot pick up the stinging nestle, say goodbye, kiss on the cheek, ride my bike 3km up hill to the trainstation, spend the next 10 minutes trying to compose myself so that I don’t look like a just ran a marathon, catch the train to school, get to school just on time, school...coffee break...school, then at 3.07 I catch the train home, smile at my train buddy, struggle to find my keys in my handbag, get frustrated, empty my bag, find keys, unlock bike, ride to kindergarten, leave bike there, get Robert, negotiate with a 2 and a half year old on many more minutes he can play for, walk home, play blocks, water the vegepatch, go to the playground, after the parentals come home we have dinner, go for a run/walk depending on how I feel, sometimes I throw up my dinner because I never learn that its not a good idea to run on a full stomach, come home, shower, bed....then I do it all again...but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way, I love living here, I love Germany and I love this family!
Sending love and peace to wherever you are.