I have come to understand that while some things never change, some never remain the same. They can’t and they shouldn’t. Change is good. We need it. The world changes daily, there are four seasons in a year, each making way for the next. The trees grow, and change and shed in order to grow again. Physically our bodies change, we grow, we shed, skin cells, hair – the body, a wonder all  of its own is constantly under construction, breaking down, rebuilding, getting rid of what it doesn’t need, what is harmful and toxic, storing and using what is good, and renewing what is old, worn out and in desperate need of some TLC. Our body does this without any command from us, in fact, inspite of us. Even if we treat our bodies like crap, they fight to use what they are given, and they thank us when they are treated like a temple.

However, it has become apparent to me that often Humans neglect the need for change in their lives, and in their hearts. Sometimes we hold onto what is toxic, and no good for us because its comfortable, because despite knowing how bad it is, we convince ourselves it is better to feel terrible than risk the change and the unknown and letting go of what we have known to be real. And so, we remain trapped in toxic relationships, jobs, stress, worry, our own self pity and denial, refusing to make the move and accept joy and happiness. Of course I know that it’s easier said than done, I am living proof of that, there are some things that I have been working on for years. However, I know now more than I knew this time last year, and it’s about time that I let go of things and people that have no place in my future. A very dear friend reminded me that sometimes the hardest thing to let go of is the thing you never really had. We get so use to holding on that we forget to let go, and sometimes these people don’t really want us to let go. Not because they want us, but they become attached to us wanting them, so they do whatever they can, sometimes subconsciously to ensure we don’t let go. 

So, how do we let go when are fingers are white from holding on to tightly for so long? Well, I am not entirely sure, however I guess you start by accepting, and then moving to Germany... or at least making some sort of landmark change that leaves you a little more fearless, courageous and excited for the next adventure. Having incredibly wise and loving friends who gently and then sometimes not so gently remind you that you are worth more than simply being someone’s back up plan, or that you have to forgive yourself and those who have hurt you and let you down. I think maybe a part of me always believed that I wanted and need fire, that I wanted excitement, passion, heat, and a sense of risk.  We need fire sometimes, to come in, sweep through and burn everything to ground so that when spring comes everything can be grown and build up from the ground. After having had the chance to be well acquainted with fire, the warm and destruction, I have come to realise however, I no longer  want fire, I want a dandelion in spring, the consistency that comes with the renewal of life and love without the destruction. And so, I am here, on the other side of the world, aiming to learn a new language and embrace a new cultural, while shedding and slowly loosening my grip on things that were never mine, and have no place in my future. I don’t expect this to be an easy journey, but God never lets us walk alone.